I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize