Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
