I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
