remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
