when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
