Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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