I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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