I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
