At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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