Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize