I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
