Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
