I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
