WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
