hotel room ftw
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
