Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
