Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
