My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
