Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
