As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
