I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
