At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
