The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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