He asked to "fluff my boner.."
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
