Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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