READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
