Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
