hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize