you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
