So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
