Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
