mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize