eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
