Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
