Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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