Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
