I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
