Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
