I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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