Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
