Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
