its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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