He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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