maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize