hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
