My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Be still, my beating vagina.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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