mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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