hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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