our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
