i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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