I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
