I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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