Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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