hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
