I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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