What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
