I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Randomize
