Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Is it penis luge time yet?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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