so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I came so hard my ears popped.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize