I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
