Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
