Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
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