I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
he thought i was a dude.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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