We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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