The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
