Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My bed is full of blood and feathers
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
