Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
