Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
