I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
