I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
