Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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