i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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