Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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