Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
