sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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