is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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