susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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