mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
